Dating a drummer

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A few years ago, I had to swear off dating musicians. unless he’s being financially supported by Mommy and Daddy. Twenty-something and thirty-something men who don’t pay their own bills have a warped view of reality. To this day I can still remember an ex-boyfriend’s most ardent groupie: she once showed up at his apartment unannounced while I was over because she was “just in the neighborhood.” He thought she was ridiculous, but he had to be polite to her because she was such a major fan.

and again and again the same patterns would repeat themselves that led to us breaking up. I perfected the “watchful girlfriend off to the side” stance — not possessively hovering too close, but also making it clear to both him and the other chicks that I was watching. You’ll be expected to go to not just some gigs, but probably their shows. Make no mistake: these are all serious things to consider if you’re dating a successful musician. But if you’re also a night owl, then this relationship could work out great. We put our souls into what we do, so we can’t help but take it very, very personally if people don’t like it — even if we’ve become successful doing it professionally. If you go to bed with a writer, expect to wake up with shit written about you.

I have nothing but the nicest things to say about most of them . It’s normal to feel a little jealous, but there’s no point in getting too insecure because this will happen after show. If I’m in a relationship with someone, I of course want to support their career, but going to a bunch of gigs, especially ones that are late at night, can be a pretty hearty time commitment. Speaking as one of those people, it takes awhile to develop thick skin. This is another fact: unless he and his bandmates are explicitly sober, they’re going to be around alcohol and probably drugs, too, and oftentimes getting it for free. This is a saying from my friend, our former “Mind Of Man” columnist John De Vore.

Don’t take my swearing-off musicians as a warning, per se. They have intense relationships with their band mates that will be more important to them than the relationship they have with you. It’s a wonder anyone in a band has time for a romantic relationship given how much time they spend bickering with each other over big egos, women, money, and God knows what else. So handle with care: the sweet, sensitive guy who writes you love songs is also going to be sensitive about that nasty Pitchfork commenter. Your musician boo may not write songs about you, exactly, but about your relationship or love in general.

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